Kia Kaha: Helping a Mate with a Gambling Problem in Aotearoa

Understanding the Basics: Gambling in New Zealand

Hey there, mate! Gambling, whether it’s a flutter on the horses, a scratchie, or a spin at an online casino choice, is a pretty common pastime here in New Zealand. For most people, it’s just a bit of fun. But sometimes, things can get a bit out of hand. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re concerned about a friend or whānau member and their relationship with gambling. That’s a great first step! It takes courage to recognise there might be a problem and even more to want to help. This article is designed to give you some friendly, practical advice on how to support someone who might be struggling with gambling in Aotearoa.

Spotting the Signs: Is There a Problem?

Knowing when to step in is half the battle. Gambling addiction, like any addiction, can be tricky to spot. It’s not always obvious, and people often try to hide it. Here are some things to look out for:

  • Increased Time and Money Spent: Are they spending more time and money on gambling than they used to? Are they constantly thinking about it, even when they’re not gambling?
  • Chasing Losses: Do they keep gambling to try and win back money they’ve lost? This is a classic sign.
  • Financial Difficulties: Are they struggling with money? Are they borrowing money, selling possessions, or neglecting bills because of gambling?
  • Mood Swings: Are they irritable, anxious, or depressed? Gambling can have a big impact on a person’s emotions.
  • Lying and Secrecy: Are they secretive about their gambling? Are they lying about how much they’re spending or how often they’re gambling?
  • Relationship Problems: Is their gambling causing problems with family, friends, or work?
  • Withdrawal Symptoms: Do they get restless, irritable, or anxious when they try to stop gambling?

Having the Kōrero: Talking to Your Mate

This is often the hardest part, but it’s also the most important. Here’s how to approach the conversation:

  • Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a time and place where you can talk privately and without distractions. Make sure they’re relatively calm and sober. Avoid doing it when they’re actively gambling.
  • Be Calm and Non-Judgemental: Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Avoid blaming or criticising them. Let them know you’re concerned and that you care.
  • Use „I” Statements: Instead of saying „You always gamble,” try saying „I’ve noticed you’ve been gambling a lot lately, and I’m worried about you.” This helps avoid defensiveness.
  • Express Your Concerns: Explain what you’ve observed that makes you concerned. Be specific. For example, „I’ve noticed you’ve been missing work because of gambling, and I’m worried about your job.”
  • Listen Actively: Let them talk. Don’t interrupt or argue. Try to understand their perspective. They might be feeling ashamed, guilty, or trapped.
  • Don’t Offer Financial Help: It can be tempting, but giving them money will likely enable their gambling.
  • Set Boundaries: Be clear about what you will and won’t do. For example, „I’m here to support you, but I won’t lend you money.”
  • Be Prepared for Resistance: They might deny they have a problem or get angry. Stay calm and reiterate your concerns.
  • Offer Support, Not Solutions: You can’t fix their problem for them. Offer to help them find professional help.

Finding Help: Resources in Aotearoa

You’re not alone in this. There are plenty of resources available in New Zealand to help both the person struggling with gambling and their whānau.

Gambling Helpline

The Gambling Helpline is a free, confidential service available 24/7. They offer phone, text, and online chat support. They can provide information, support, and referrals to other services. You can reach them by calling 0800 654 655 or visiting their website.

Problem Gambling Foundation

The Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand is a non-profit organisation that provides a range of services, including counselling, education, and research. They have offices throughout the country and offer both individual and group therapy. Check their website for local services.

Te Hiringa Hauora

Te Hiringa Hauora (Health Promotion Agency) provides information and resources on gambling harm. They work to raise awareness and promote responsible gambling. Their website is a good source of information.

Your GP (General Practitioner)

Your GP can be a good starting point. They can assess the situation, provide support, and refer the person to other services, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Other Support Groups

There are also support groups like Gamblers Anonymous (GA) and Gam-Anon (for family members and friends of problem gamblers). These groups offer a safe and supportive environment for people to share their experiences and learn from others.

Looking After Yourself: You Need Support Too

Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. It’s important to look after your own well-being. Here’s how:

  • Set Boundaries: Don’t let their problem consume your life. Make sure you have time for your own interests and activities.
  • Seek Support: Talk to your own friends, family, or a counsellor. It’s important to have someone to talk to about your feelings.
  • Educate Yourself: Learn as much as you can about gambling addiction. This will help you understand what they’re going through and how to best support them.
  • Don’t Blame Yourself: You’re not responsible for their gambling. You can’t make them stop.
  • Celebrate Small Victories: Acknowledge and celebrate any progress they make, no matter how small.

Long-Term Perspective: The Journey Ahead

Recovery from gambling addiction is a journey, not a destination. There will be ups and downs. It’s important to be patient and supportive throughout the process. Relapses can happen, but they don’t mean failure. They’re often a part of the recovery process. Encourage them to keep seeking help and to learn from their experiences. Remind them that you’re there for them, even when things get tough. Celebrate their successes and continue to offer your unwavering support. Remember, kia kaha – stay strong, and together, you can make a difference.

Conclusion: Your Role in the Recovery

Helping someone with a gambling problem in New Zealand can be challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. By understanding the signs, having open and honest conversations, and connecting them with the right resources, you can play a crucial role in their journey to recovery. Remember to look after yourself, set boundaries, and seek support for yourself. With patience, understanding, and the right help, it’s possible for your mate to overcome their gambling problem and build a healthier, happier life. You’ve got this, and Aotearoa’s support network is here to help you both.